Wishing it would all end
Yet knowing I cannot abandon ship.
Continual feelings of despair.
A handful of lives whom truly care.
The life of the party no longer cares to partake
Can no longer mask the sadness, not able to be fake.
The days go on and here I sit.
Not entirely ungrateful just dont want to be a part of it.
It’s apparent he hates me
I despise him as well.
An absolute mistake
A marriage made in hell.
One of us understands there are children involved.
The other is self absorbed.
This mess is now affecting babies.
Right down to their core.
How can I protect the children
I dont know what to do.
Mom of two soon to be three
What does this life have left in store for me.
Scared. is an understatement
Tired. Daily
I know why I keep going. I pray one day they will see it too.
Yesterday was a shit show for me
Some of you may or may not know
You see I came out to the world
No. Not for my sexual preference
Which is still up for debate,
But I am now single and pregnant
making my period just a bit past late.
Today is a better day for me, and tomorrow is on its way. You see I never know when reality will set in. So I make the most of each and every day.
There once was a girl who ruled the world.
That girl who was once so free, Doubt she would ever dream to live vicariously through me.
Not now.
See that girl is now a lady. A lady whom has taken many a wrong turn. Only to end up 35, pregnant, and alone.
Today I realized that there were signs.
I should have known that we wouldn’t work when you failed to disperse the appropriate amount of peanut butter to jelly ratio on my bread.
A telltale sign if you ask me.
I binge watched two seasons of 16 and pregnant on demand the other night. Couldn’t help but think that being 35 pregnant and single was somehow much worse of a situation to be in. Could very well just be the pity party of 1 am currently a party to. Already being super Mom to two school aged children. (Both of whom are by the same deadbeat my soon to be ex-husband). Nonetheless, I find the prospect of child rearing and potentially dating in my late thirties daunting. I feel more alone than ever. Bringing an innocent child into this world knowing that his or her father will be absent weighs on me. With my first two I was still in denial as to his substandard parenting abilities. Now my eyes are wide open and my heart breaks for all of my babies. Alas, if only to be 16 and pregnant. I wonder how I’d feel? This is what I shall ponder today.
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